


in other words, baby kiss me

by steviesfreckles



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Clizzy - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, baby bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steviesfreckles/pseuds/steviesfreckles
Summary: Isabelle is coming to terms with herself. She knows that it's okay, it's a gift, to love women, but even so, she can't bring herself to say anything."It was silly, she thought, to know that they were so obviously playing their little game of cat and mouse, yet neither one was willing to make the first move. Izzy was brash and even in her kindness, she was stubborn and sharp. Clary in all her gentle words never seemed to mind, letting Isabelle ramble and bite at the world all she needed before soothing her with a soft touch and a sugary smile."
Relationships: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	in other words, baby kiss me

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Fly Me To The Moon, covered by The Macaron Project while I wrote this. It's soft and kind and everything I could ever dream of for my own love.
> 
> This wasn't betaed, but I think I did alright. Let me know if you catch anything. Comments and criticisms are welcome as always.
> 
> Thank you, Em for the conversation that spurred this fic. Philosophizing about life with you is easier than it has any right to be.

The stars fell across the sky above Isabelle, bright and glittering. The summer air was heavy and warm, clinging to her like a second skin. Nights like these were Isabelle’s favorites. There was something magical about the full moon and the nightingales. Sprawled out on the grass, Isabelle was nearly at peace. When she closed her eyes copper hair and the sweetest laugh flashed in her mind. 

Isabelle sighed. 

She was never the optimistic type, her glass wasn't half empty per se, but it wasn’t half full either. It was just a glass. This time though, she knew what was waiting for her on the other side. She and Clary had danced around each other for years, always keeping just out of reach. Their flirts were obvious, Simon and Alec were reaching the point of locking them in a room until they sorted themselves out. Izzy had only known because Alec yelled it at her in exasperation the last time she flopped across his bed to pine after the Red-Haired Wonder. 

The boys had every right to be done with her and Clary, she supposed. 

Clary had been teasing Isabelle since day one, twirling her hair around her finger and leaning in close until Izzy could smell the marzipan and citrus that drifted off her skin. She flirted and teased until Isabelle was sure she was going to go crazy, using every last ounce of her self control to keep from pushing Clary up against the nearest wall and kissing her senseless. 

Isabelle could only return the infuriatingly enticing gestures. She walked with a little extra sway in her hips and giggled a little softer. Isabelle had no trouble flaunting her affections, laying out line after line of flirting remarks, but she could hardly voice her true feelings. Clary was a blessing just as much as she was a curse, every flutter of lashes and disgustingly sweet compliment a double-edged sword. 

Isabelle was going to pull her hair out before this was over. 

It was silly, she thought, to know that they were so obviously playing their little game of cat and mouse, yet neither one was willing to make the first move. Izzy was brash and even in her kindness, she was stubborn and sharp. Clary in all her gentle words never seemed to mind, letting Isabelle ramble and bite at the world all she needed, before soothing her with a soft touch and a sugary smile. 

Isabelle had found herself there more often than not, teetering on something amazing, something life-shattering. It struck her on a Tuesday afternoon, realizing that Clary was _more_ than just stunning. Clary was what tangible possibility looked like. She was still stuck in the in-between, the last little step she needed to push herself over the edge. It was the smallest, but the most important.

Even in her knowing, Isabelle was a woman who held fear at her core, terrified of her vulnerability. There was nothing stopping the two of them from falling into each other and never bothering, nor wanting, to disentangle themselves. _Why was this so difficult?_

Isabelle felt the pull in the back of her mind and let herself tumble into the past. 

Her knees ached and her eyes burned, the clock on her nightstand glaring harsh, red numbers back at her. It was well past midnight, but Isabelle couldn't bring herself to crawl into bed. The tears that streamed down her face tasted like regret. It hardly mattered that she couldn’t change herself, couldn't force herself to love someone so different from her. 

She ached to slip her hand into another soft palmed girl’s. Nothing could stop the surge of hate that ripped through her chest at the gnawing wistfulness. Isabelle prayed and prayed, on her knees begging for absolution, needing relief from the want racing in her veins. 

After years spent with her head bowed, she began to realize nothing was going to change. It took so many lonely and hateful nights to understand that there was nothing _wrong_ with her, she just _was._ Women, wanting to kiss and hold and _love_ them, wasn't a horrible condition or a sin she couldn't shake, it was a _gift._

When Clary found her, fingers buried in the grass and handfuls torn out in clumps, it was simple to her, to curl into Isabelle’s side. She needed to be held, and Clary would never deny her, tucking herself farther in to rest her head on Isabelle’s chest. Izzy didn't move, but Clary felt the tension drain from her body at the familiar touch. 

When Isabelle had called Clary at 2:47 in the morning telling her that she needed her, Clary had peeled herself out of bed and shot into her car. Izzy’s shaking voice hadn't even needed to tell her where to go; The Lightwood’s back yard was the site of many a late-night crisis. 

Isabelle’s heart was pounding beneath her ribs and Clary could feel her own beating in time. It was the only thing that Clary moved in the night, like the whole world had gone quiet in Isabelle’s mourning. 

The abruptness of Izzy’s whisper broke the stillness between them, “Why, Clary?” It was a relative question, nothing to denote a significance yet Clary could hear the reality of it regardless. _Why do we tease and flirt? We care, don't we? Could we fall in love?_

“I don't know,” her voice crept through the air. The answer was devoid of intent, but her face said everything. _I don't know why we keep doing this. It_ hurts _but what happens next? What if it doesn’t work?_

This is how they always spoke about their relationship, in puzzles and half-truths. The only time the words were as simple as they seemed to be was when a teasing tone offered them an out. 

&&&

  
  


“You know you love me,” 

_I am so in love with you._

“You wish.” 

_Oh god, I love you too, I do._

  
  


&&&

  
  


Isabelle tipped her head down, catching Clary’s eye. They were green and glittered more than any precious gems man could have dug out of the earth. Brown eyes searched green, looking for answers she wasn’t sure they held, but was still desperate for. Isabelle needed this, needed Clary. Her arm shifted around the woman tucked into her side, a soft hand gripping her waist for all it was worth. Clary shifted farther into her, tangling them until Isabelle had lost track of where she started and Clary ended. 

The tshirt Clary was wearing rucked up in her twisting and Isabelle let her fingers wander beneath the hem, pressing into delicate skin. Clary’s eyes never left hers, looking lost. Izzy fell victim to the pining and it wasn't a guess to her whether Clary would kiss her back when she pressed their lips together. 

Isabelle’s tongue swiped out across her lips and she watched Clary’s eyes follow the movement. She leaned in, not quite touching, but sharing breaths for a moment. As the tension exploded, Izzy let her eyes fall shut, reveling in the anticipation. Those seconds, right before nothing turned to something, were what made her light up. 

Clary was the first to break and close the distance. She was the impatient one of them, readily seeking gratification. Clary’s lips were soft and a little chapped but somehow it made it all the better. They lost themselves with a fervor only endless pining could create. 

There was nothing demanding about the slide of their lips nor the tongue that Isabelle traced on Clary’s bottom lip. That was their nature though, the give and take, dancing around, neither quite leading or following. It is what made this, made _them,_ work so well. They fit together like puzzle pieces, Clary’s soft curves easing Isabelle’s sharp edges. 

Izzy pulled back, hovering for just a moment, Clary trailing after her, asking for more. She wanted to smile but leaned in again. This time, they came together with passion. It struck a fire in Isabelle and the shiver that trailed down her spine had nothing to do with the damp earth they laid on. 

She was beautiful. The gasps and pants that Izzy pulled from Clary were like music in her bones, making her heart sing. Isabelle pulled her hand from Clary's waist, finding the other girl’s hand and tangling their fingers together. She wanted nothing else, only this moment. Isabelle wanted so desperately for this to be real, for this love to be true. 

When they broke apart, breathing hard, Clary met her eye. This time, her eyes looked more found than Isabelle had ever seen her. 

“You're the only one I have ever loved Isabelle Lightwood.”

The words weren’t hiding, no double meaning to try and see between, just Clary and her love and something so, so real. Isabelle could hardly contain herself. 

“Clarissa Fairchild, you are the only one that I have ever even _wanted_ to love.” 

Their matching smiles were all it took before Isabelle was pulling Clary to her feet and tugging her inside. They spent the rest of the night, curled together, breathing each other in and making up for all the time they had missed. 

  
  



End file.
